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DEMOCRATIC PLAN FOR MILITARY CUTBACKS
DEMOCRATIC PLAN FOR MILITARY CUTBACKS
By: G.Marnier - SatireNewsService
In an unexpected show of solidarity in their efforts to defeat President Bush in the upcoming election, Democratic candidates Dean, Clark and Kerry held a secret meeting relative to ending the Iraqi war by drastically reducing the military budget.
The meeting took place in the basement of the YMCA in Manchester, New Hampshire where all three candidates were working the crowd on the Sunday before the primary. Unbeknownst to them, the area was covered by a security camera and the man operating the camera, who asked to not be identified, is a former Viet Nam veteran, reads lips and is a staunch supporter of President Bush.
He told SNS that "Those lily-livered, terrorist encouraging air heads are scared cross-eyed that the war may end before November and Bush will be unbeatable, so they're going after how much it's costing the taxpayers. Dean said he knew more about budgets than either one of them because governors are closer to the people and he'd stood tall for Vermont. Kerry laughed and said 'Tall?' and stepped next to Dean and indicated with his hand that 5 ft. 8 in Dean didn't even come up to Kerry' shoulder. Dean turned red faced and clenched his fist like he was going to hit him. Clark said he knew more about the military than either one of them: He hadn't dodged the draft so he could go skiing like Dean had during Viet Nam and furthermore, Kerry had only been a Navy Lieutenant while he had wound up with four stars on his shoulders. Kerry said as a Democratic Senator he knew more about spending taxpayer's money than either one of them and besides, he'd married a millionairess and his war record, whether Clark liked it or not, was unassailable. As if on cue, Dean and Clark both said 'Yeah, Go ask Jane Fonda' and shook hands."
The security guard then took a photograph out of his pocket and told SNS: "I zeroed in on this when Kerry waved it at the other two and said 'I have a plan better than anything you guys have come up with. This will cut down on the entire budget, including infantry, artillery and air power,'
You should have seen their reactions. Clark said 'Damn, I wish I'd thought of that.' and Dean tried to grab it away from Kerry. At that point, their handlers came looking for them and started yelling about how bad it would look if they were seen agreeing with each other on anything.
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